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My Other Sites:
Elena's Night World

(closed for update)

Reading:
Baby Did A Bad Bad Thing

by
Copyright 2003

Gabrielle Lord
 

Published By:

Hodder Headline Australia

 

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Sara Storer - Beautiful Circle




Thursday, January 24, 2002

Ooops!!! Silly me, I didn't come back to write. Well, I've just finished my 12hr shift at work, and I'm very tired. But, yet again, I find myself working to fix this site up.

I have a 4 day weekend, so I'm pretty happy at the moment. Give me some time to do the things I want to do. I've had a good think about my life and what I want and where I want to be. My head and heart are pulled into several different directions, and its hard to figure it all out.

All I've ever wanted was to be a wife and a mother. My friends are all on their way, and here I am still single and supposed to be care free.

But after the heart aches that I've experienced, I sometimes have to wonder if I'll ever reach that goal. In some ways it saddens me, in other ways I'm very glad that I haven't settled just yet. I'm terrified of actually commiting myself. What if it doesn't work out how I want it to? What if I can't do things right? Could I handle another broken heart?

I just don't know. I guess if it happens, then it happens. I leave it up to fate to decide.

I still want to travel. But I'm scared to pack my bags and leave. Although part of me really wants to go and see the world, there is still that part of me that wants to go away just to get away. Maybe if I leave everything and everyone behind, I may find some peace. But what if I don't? What if running away solves nothing like it usually does? I know I've got a lot of 'what if''s' going on here, but its those what if's that make the difference.

I want to further my career. For so long I've dived into whatever I was doing at the time, so all I ever cared about WAS work. It was easier to care about work then anything else. Now I just enjoy the challenge of seeing how far I can get, and where that could lead me.

posted by Elena . 11:52 PM



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